Journal Entry: Thu Jul 26, 2012, 6:05 PM
Considering my own mortality is always fun. I try and keep my thoughts logical and force myself only to listen to the ones that make sense.
So what can I do when I see my own life as one of little to no worth?
What do I do when I can't have any faith in the future?
Why do I always want so much more than what I have?
Why do I have enough to get on, but I feel like I have nothing?
Why do I feel pathetic for feeling this way?
Told you this was fun.
I really want to enjoy life, but I can't see myself having anything of worth or giving anything worth having.
So when you think this way, and start writing just to clear your mind and seperate what you think from your sense of what is real to the extent you can't even focus clearly. I only want peace. Why can I only think of gaining it by commiting self annilation?
I dream of better things, but I don't think I'll ever have them. How do you gain what you want without doing it the wrong way? I don't want to interact with the world, and I wish people would call me, even though I'll ignore the call, and I just want to be left alone, even though I desire companionship more than anything else. Am I sane? I want out, this world is just foul and horrific and magnificent and beautiful and I have no place here, but everyone else does.
Time makes me older and older by I'm no wiser or mature, I'm just a failure of a person. I don't undersand how this world works and I don't think I want to. Nothing good lasts, everything decays and fades.
I should get some sleep. I don't want to go to work tommorow.
Listening to: The Promise - Within Temption